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Sucked in 2006 |
Did the opposite of suck in 2006 |
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Lawsuits |
Dismissals with prejudice |
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No bonus, no raise |
No unemployment |
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Stalkers |
Superstars |
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Contacts that bug my eyes |
Getting noticed by babes |
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Interminable workouts at the gym |
Getting noticed by babes |
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Getting ogled by dudes at the gym |
Getting noticed by babes anywhere |
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Goodbye to Sami |
Goodbye to cleaning up after Sami |
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Being old enough to have reunions |
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JD Hayworth, Jon Kyl |
Unemploying even one of those sycophantic asses. |
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Qwest |
Nope – they just suck |
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Almost no free weekends |
Being the fun parent |
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Getting pulled over |
Driving away |
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Andrew Thomas, fascist county attorney |
Driving away |
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$3 gas |
Driving away |
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Making moronic and obtuse end of year lists |
Finishing them and cracking a beer |
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Thursday, December 21
End of year cheesy sell out post.
by
Dr. Gonzo
on Thu 21 Dec 2006 03:30 PM MST
Manny, Moe and Jack to Gonzo: Xmas is cancelled, Beotch
by
Dr. Gonzo
on Thu 21 Dec 2006 12:37 PM MST
MM&J: No bonus this year.
Gonzo: Fucking A, Beav! You suck. MM&J: 2 new servers and a spam attack pissed it away. You're our onsite I.T. Department. YOU suck. Gonzo: Touche. Fuck you anyway. Moe, of MM&J: As a gay man, I may take you up on that, G. Gonzo: Uh, thanks, but being a tight ass is not just a metaphor for me. *flies to Brazil (alone) to look for, uh, "Brazilians", ass cheeks clenched the entire trip* MM&J: As a consolation, we have a firm party (clients and guests) that is a complete clone of last year's, down to the food tasting exactly like last year's. Gonzo: Thank god for "all you can drink." Sheriff Joe: Yes, thank god. Tent city always welcomes holiday visitors. Drink up. MM&J: Also, we have an office party (just us) at Z'Tejas, where you can get stupid drunk at our expense. Just like last year. Gonzo: Thank god for that, since the secretaries will take you bosses up on that, and give away Chick team secrets (which I always suspected or knew) like : it's always faked. Gonzo: So, I didn't miss anything living in Antarctica the past few years unspecified time intervals? Fuck - wait, I mean whatever is the opposite. when we (chicks) say we're not faking, we're lying. [Ed.: to you, Dr, G.] when we say we're not lying, we are lying. keep giving us shit, in order to get opportunities to get faked out and lied to. As a man, you can live with a chick pretending (in the absence of not pretending), as long as you don't have to pretend too. stop wasting my time, this does nothing for me, and you look stupid battery power > anything else Sheriff Joe: C'mon, G. Drink up. One tequila ain't gonna hurt nothin'. Or maybe some Southern Comfort. Gonzo: Sorry. I just barfed a little in my mouth right there. MM&J: In lieu of $ or loot, we have a lame ass white elephant gift exchange. Here is your (used) talking bass. And some fresh batteries. Dr. G's newlywed secretary: I'll be having those batteries. Dr. G: *biggest surprised look* Gonzo: Fuck off, fish giver. This bitch is going in the trash to the ex's when I bring the kids back. Manny, of MM&J (to our paralegal Methuselah Winston Smith): Here is a dead rat on ice that I saved from a rat incursion last July. I am one sick bastard, but I have los cojones grandes. Winston Smith: Damn you, O'Brien. Do it to Julia. *succumbs to deathly fear of rats* MM&J: Sorry about that. Have some CPR. Winston Smith: Fuck you. I hate you all. *contemplates quitting and being forced to live in a box and eating Alpo, unless the rats get to it first.* I mean, I love MM&J. *drinks oily Victory gin* * * * Fast forward to Christmas morning.Gonzo: Santa is dead. No bonus, kiddoes. Sorry. Bikes have to wait. Electric guitars have to wait. Assorted other shit has to wait. I have to buy essentials like porn, hookers and weed gas, food, etc. instead. Rugrats: Fuck, Dad! Sorry, pop. We meant "dammit Dad!!" Gonzo: My new camera has to wait, too. Sorry internet. The entire readership of the puppet (all 3): Fuck, you asshole! Sorry. Dr. dickhead. We meant "dammit, you asshole!" Gonzo: At least I have booze on hand. Sheriff Joe: Yes, you do. And I have some rats I would love to introduce you to. Just go straight to the merlot. Unless you have scotch around here somewhere... *laughs maniacally* |
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